haiz..bac onto blogging again. dun really lyk it. it jus means tt i hav no where to let out my thoughts. its bursting.. anyway, las nitex was the class bbq. heard tt she tio the truth during the game after i left. sad sia....i mean the replies.
based on wad i heard, she said tt she dun lyk me and tt she lyk someone else in her sec sch. lolx. hmm...should i even laugh..? i jus dun noe wad to react when i heard tis...but its sort of expected as i dun really expect a pos reply..when it comes to relationship, i always start wif a pessimistic thinking. reason being, i always hav no confidence which i heard tt its a big mistake for guys. guys r supposed to be confident..? there hav been thoughts on both the bright and dark side of explanation. first of all....i din heard it myself. so y should i think that its true..? could she be lying..i mean for the guy...? would she say those things jus becoz she dun wan ppl to noe her heart..? i dun mind her saying tt she dun lyk me...coz at least i can try harder..? other den tt, from the way we r getting along.. i tot there is lyk some improvements in terms of relationship. be it friendship or wad..i dun noe..its lyk.......im close to being a good friend..?
i jus wanna noe at least where i stand. if shes treating me as a normal friend, so be it...jus tell me. or maybe, if she dun lyk me, let me noe..personally, which i will not hav any doubt. she once said tt she lyks ppl who is honest. who doesnt? for me, i lyk ppl who is truthful. open ur heart n tell me how u feel. lolx. i the kind tt is willing to share. dun think she is...but she will. until someone whom she can really connect wif. she said tt shes 'selfish' to share. perhaps tt means tt im not up to standard yet.
but....the fact tt she say she lyk someone else means tt her heart is no even near or around me...its simply too far. i hav asked her she had she crushed b4..she said someone in her sec sch..could it be possible tt shes jus refering to the guy tt she once lyk..? she knew tt james has given up due to friends n she thinks tt hes stupid..wad if it was me..? wad if i choose to giv her up jus becoz i lack of confidence..? guess its even more stupid..lolx. y im i lacking of confidence..? ahhh....... i think...even if her heart is not near me...no matter how hard i try...its rather impossible to draw it close...
haiz..y m i always drawn to tis kinda confliction..? the previous experience was a mutual one..tts y everything is brought tgt easily. romantic..tt was really sweet n nice. its as though the entire world is ours. but...the moment she changed her heart, i jus let my hands off stupidly, saying tt i respect her decisions. but come to think of it, so wad if i held on tight..? we all will suffer....wad can i do when her heart is not wif me..? tis is the main pt.
ok. end of my long-winded story..haiz. ever thought of giving her up. but i guess its not a way out. maybe im jus gonna be normal as in...lyk the way im treating her or jus treating her as a friend. but deep in my heart, i will still hold on to the hope and always willing to stand by her whenever shes in need. i shall be her guarding angel. hopefully, i wouldnt reveal myself unknowingly. im jus too blur. lolx.
these jus show tt i still dun noe her well.. maybe slightly more..but not deep yet. haiz.. wads she thinking........?
